I occasionally pick up work doing Wedding Photography and/or Videography for my neighbor, Josh. It is semi-reglar enough to say that I see a lot of weddings. I had the fortune of working one this past Saturday. First, let me say that Readyville, Tennessee is one of the most beautiful, peaceful places I’ve had the pleasure of spending the day in. That aside, it is interesting to work these weddings because you sometimes get to take a peek into the lives of strangers– on one of their most memorable days in their lives.
I admit, I was out of it on Saturday. I certainly didn’t say more that a word or two to the bridge and groom of this wedding, but in filming it, I had the task of the close up on the groom’s face during the ceremony. Who knows anything about the lives of those two individuals, or what kind of marriage they will have, but it sure impacted me, sitting there, effectively staring at this guy’s face because it is my job, and just watching the joy continually erupt out of him and every pore, orifice, and expressive muscle in his face. I’ve been to a lot of weddings in my short life, but that guy really expressed the most joy of anyone I’ve seen getting married. May they have an everlasting, happy marriage.
I’ve been writing about insecurities lately, and I have no intention of slowing down. I’m trying to tackle something big. One might think that the last two, on trust and care are big insecurities, but, for me, that is child’s play. I guess there are internal, emotional things that I feel everyone knows are insecurities for me. In a sense, they almost aren’t insecurities, because I am insecure about them, but I’m not insecure about bringing them to light. If I get ballsy, I might tackle 2 tonight.
I’ve always thought of love as something beyond the scope of time. How can I not? How can we not? Many of us are conditioned to. Assuming your parents don’t have any marriage ending issues at any point, then we see marriage as this symbolic extension of deep, affectionate love for another. A binding love that is meant for life. Some use the term soul mates; something that is beyond our concept of time as mortal, physical beings. Or, as someone who is and has been raised in the Christian faith, another example of love everlasting.
Hear that high pitch ringing above your head getting louder? Here it comes.. the insecurity drop.
I struggle to hell and high water with this concept. It was a naive and very low period of my life, but I had a spell where I just didn’t believe in the idea of love at all. I don’t struggle to the same magnitude anymore, but I struggle to believe in our abilities, once again, as mortal, physical beings to always feel that same joy and affection that I clearly saw on that groom’s face this weekend. I see that same struggle all over. I see it in the foundation I was raised on, my parents. I alarmingly hear of it from some of my closest, lifelong friends I’ve ever had. If you walk down a crowded street, you see it. If you turn on the TV, you see it. If you go to church, you see it. If you go to the store, you see it. If you read the news, literature, or the writings on bathroom stalls, you see it. If you talk to anyone outside your faux-comforting bubble of your inner circle, you see it. If you hang around that faux-comforting inner circle long enough, over a lifetime, you experience it.
I’m not trying to come off as pessimistic, because I still believe in this, and I believe that I will attain it within my life, but it simply is a struggle; a weakness; an insecurity. Because sometimes I just feel like we are playing the biggest con of all against ourselves, and that, my friends, is the scariest prospect of all.